I don’t usually post personal things here, unless, y’know, expressing carnal desires counts as personal.

But there are a few things on my mind, and they don’t really make much sense and aren’t particularly connected with each other, but they are somewhat relevant to this blog, which is arguably gayer than Bette Midler and Cher doing a RuPaul cover in Christian Louboutins.

(Jesus, I can practically see the rainbows in my breath.)

These days, I hear a lot of discussion about “the gay community” and what role it plays in LGBT equality. It’s something I think about a lot. And I mean a lot. I’ve written about not being fully “out”, but the more I reflect on it, the more I wonder how necessary it is to have this sort of dramatic “coming out” period or moment. At the risk of making unfair insinuations, I think that sometimes the gay community can forget that sexuality doesn’t define identity. It plays an important part in someone’s life, obviously, but it doesn’t dictate one’s personality, necessarily, or their mannerisms, or anything else about them. We need to remember that people are born the way they are, and that includes every facet of their being as well as who they love.

I recently was walking home with a wonderful couple after a fairly prominent arts event. Holding hands, one of them turned to the other and said lovingly, “I’m so proud of you.” That’s why we fight for gay equality, so that people can grow up feeling like there’s no need to be ashamed of who we love. It’s not about politics. It’s not about “pride”. Fuck, it’s not even about tolerance. It’s about understanding. It still escapes me why the concept of two men or two women in love seems so threatening to certain people, but every day, I see improvements. Not in celebrities dramatically coming out on the cover of People, but in the way that gay couples are simply living their lives how they choose, not trying to fit into the status quo on either side.

Occasionally, I’ve heard people say that gay people should try to “assimilate” into modern society, but what does that even mean? Nobody should ever try to be something they’re not; it’s dishonest and upsetting in the long run. Let’s just be whoever we want, whenever we want. Let’s not worry about those Speedo-clad boys at the front of the pride parade affirming gay stereotypes. Let’s not worry about trying to convince some of our more bigoted colleagues that our love is just as worthy as theirs. Let’s forget about all that.

Because maybe if we can turn down the volume on some of this “dialogue” we’ve got going about gay equality, we’ll actually be able to hear the sounds of progress.